DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to my husband for 21 years. I realized only some days in the past that he has a 9-year-old daughter from an affair.
I by no means knew he’d been untrue. I’m disgusted about what he did. Now he desires his daughter to transport in with us! I don’t hate her, however I’m now not loopy about kids.
Additionally, I’m the one one within the family who’s hired. He doesn’t even attempt to discover a task, and I’m handled like this live-in housekeeper, cleansing up his messes, and so forth. He refuses to lend a hand with house responsibilities. If the child strikes in, I’ll be cleansing up after two other folks, plus attempting to deal with nervousness and despair because of previous trauma.
I will be able to handiest take such a lot. He helps to keep harassing me about having her keep, and he says that if I don’t settle for her, I don’t settle for him. I’m in a position to invite him to go away, however what will have to I actually do?
FED UP IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR FED UP: After 21 years of wearing all the load in your freeloader husband, fairly than shoulder much more duty via taking on this kid, what you will have to actually do is seek the advice of a legal professional. It’s time you began taking good care of your self, as a result of via now it will have to be obvious that he by no means will.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, my kid and I’ve moved six occasions over an eight-year length. Probably the most strikes had been inside months of one another. They all had been for monetary or emotional causes.
The final one took us an hour and a part clear of the place we have been dwelling for some time. We had shaped relationships there, and our kid had constructed friendships. We liked the world and college. We needed to shop for a area after renting, however we struggled to discover a position in our worth vary. As an alternative, we discovered one we appreciated in a space the place we had lived ahead of.
We’ve got been right here 3 months now, and all of us feel sorry about the transfer. We omit our outdated buddies, our kid misses the old fashioned, and we’re unsatisfied within the new area. I believe my kid and I can have evolved despair. Our kid’s grades have slipped, and they have got made no new buddies.
We’re debating returning to the world we liked such a lot. Friends and family are giving us grief about all of the strikes, and I do know they’ll do it once more.
We’re at a loss as to why we moved away and would really like an outdoor truthful opinion. Is it OK to transport again to a space we liked and established roots in?
WANDERING IN INDIANA
DEAR WANDERING: You state that price range had so much to do together with your nomadic way of life. That’s a legitimate reason why for transferring. I don’t assume you will have to briefly transfer once more.
The entire strikes you discussed is also the explanation your kid is having problem organising friendships, which takes time. The directors at your kid’s new faculty might be able to lend a hand in the event you give an explanation for to them what you assume is happening.
As on your personal despair, if you’ll be able to come up with the money for it, I’m suggesting some periods with a certified psychologist or social employee in the meanwhile.
If, after that, your circle of relatives nonetheless can’t alter, go back to the neighborhood from which you got here with out making apologies to someone (and with my blessing).
Pricey Abby is written via Abigail Van Buren, sometimes called Jeanne Phillips, and used to be based via her mom, Pauline Phillips. Touch Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.